My Needs...

During our lives we're faced with so many elements as well, we experience so many setbacks, and fight such a hand-to-hand battle with failure, head down in the rain, just trying to stay upright and have a little hope. Life so hard. Yes indeed, if your not strong enough to face life's tests, you'll definitely fall down.

I have been wandering around. Moving from one place to another. Trying to find a place that'll give me comfort. Trying to find a place to settle down.

I need PEACE in my life. I need comfort. I need protection. I need guidance.

I am thankful coz i got YOU

Haay naku... Life alone is not really as easy as 1 2 3... Living independently is not simple. It needs a lot of planning and a lot of courage.

I am living alone since age 17. Away from my parents and my family. I learned to stand on my own. Look for a job inorder for me to survive.

Life is really hard. But i am thankful coz i have friends who are always there. Friends who knows when to be there when i need them.

You know who you are. And I thank you for giving much of your time with me. Sleeping in bed with me eventhough it's small. Thanks for bringing me food specially on sundays. I am soo happy to have met you.

See you soon....

Giving my self-esteem a FAITH LIFT

Hows my self-image today? Am i having a hard time or trouble accepting myself after goofing up, bungling something or sinning?

These are just some of the questions i asked. I know it is not a good day for me today but it is the best time to reprogram my mental attitude, remodel my self-image, and give my self-esteem a "faith lift".

Ahhh, helping me out through all of this would be God the Father Almighty. I believe God is able to do great things through imperfect people like me.

How am i gonna do it? Here's how:

I know i am imperfect but i believe that i am still the child of God.

I have to decide to join the human race. NObody's perfect, no one is sinless.

I am going to let the power of GOd compensate my imperfections and inabilities and I should keep striving for excellence.

I have to eliminate my negative thinking and should distance myself from negative thinkers who just love seeing me down.

I should look for people who will cheer me up and give me positive remarks.

That's what i should do. I know I can do it. Because I know GOd designed me to be a positive thinker.

Walang gana... Kulang sa Vitamins

I dunno what to do now... Lately, parang wala na akong ganang magtrabaho... NOt like before na pagkagising ko sa umaga, eager akong bumangon at maligo... Ngayon, sunod-sunod na ang late ko sa morning show ko..

Yesterday, meron kami dapat meeting but because i went home early nawalan na rin ako ng ganang bumalik sa station... Brandy even reminded me bout the meeting pero i ignored it.

I know I've always been a workaholic person. I can even work even on wee hours, even if i dont get enough sleep, and even if i don't have everything.

I remember pa nga nung dati kong work, kahit na sa station na matulog or kahit na walang ligo ok lang work pa rin. Pero what happened to me na?

Ngayon, di ko na alam. Nalilito na nga rin ako if i really have to resign and look for another job somewhere. I wanna go somewhere far from here. A place where i will try to live alone. Far from the people i care.

Ahhh, basta.... Whatever comes along, hope it'll be a good one.

Facing life's challenges

It's almost 2pm... The weather isnt really good.. It's gloomy outside. And any minute from now rain will pour down from the sky. I don't know if it's a blessing or somehow will just destroy this beautiful afternoon.

I am here once again facing infront of this great invention (laptop). I dont have anything to do so i guess it would be better if i'll write something about what it is really in my mind. Do i really have to stay or leave?

Geeze, it is really hard to make decisions like this. And it somehow is really hard to face a problem such as this. I couldn't think of the best decision yet. I've talked to some friends and they said that they'll support me whatever decision i would make.

Ouch... What is best and what is not? What is good and what is bad?

LIFE is hard when you don't know how to handle.

LIFE is hard when you can't make good decisions.

LIFE is hard when you don't have friends to tell you what's best for you.

Do i have to go and leave?

It's May 1 - Labor Day....

Mingaw kaayo ang akuang palibot... Nidungag pa jud sa kamingaw ang kainit sa panahon.. Mura jud ug gidilab-dilaban ug kalayo ang panahon karun... Mao siguro nga wa nay ganahan pang muapil ining martsa martsa sa kadalanan...

Sa akuang pag-inusara karun, wa lang gihapon koy mabuhat kundi ang mag-apung dire atubangan sa computer...

Bitaw oi, naglibug na jud ani bah... Unsay angay nakung buhaton... Nagkadugay nagkadaku ang akuang problema... I am single but then i am not really enjoying what i have now... I have a good job but because of the needs sa akuang family naglibog na ko kung mangita ba ko ug laing work nga mas daku ug kita...

I dunno what should be the best decision for this... Do i need to consult other people...?

What i have now is a job nga maoy nagahatag kanaku ug siguro a little happiness and satisfaction but because of my responsibilities murag naisip naku nga i-sacrifice lang sa ang akuang happiness ug unahon na lamang ang happiness sa akuang pamilya... Gamay lang ug sweldo ang usa ka DJ ilabi na dire sa province mao nga kuwang ra jud ang amuang kita para maoy maka-sustiner sa pamilya...

Mao bitaw nga kutaw ang akuang utok kung kinahanglan na ba kong mubiya sa akuang current work ug mangita na pud ug lain nga daku ug sweldo?

Haay buhay... Kanus-a pa man ko madatu ani oi...

RICE SHORTAGE, apektado ba ka?

Hala, grabe na jud daw ang nahitabo sa pilipinas karun... Grabe na sab ang tumang kalisud sa mga pilipino... Mura ba ug gipang-gabaan na ang mga pinoy tungod kay mahilig man gud daw ta mag-usik usik sa mga grasya nga gihatag kanatu...

Kung atuang huna-hunaun daghan na untang mga grasya nga gihatag sa Ginoo natu, sama na lamang aning atuang nasud nga puno sa mga agricultural products, mga nindut nga kadagatan, kagubatan ug uban pa...

Apan sa nagkadugay nga panahon, hinay hinay na kining nadaut... Daghan sa mga kagubatan karun ang nanga-upaw, daghan sa mga kadagatan karun ang nangadaut ug daghan sa mga grasya unta karun ang nangawala...

Atu lang gi-usik-usikan ang mga himaya ug mga gasa nga gihatag?? Why oh why??? Nganu na-ingun ani na man ta?

Gatapok ang mga tawo karun, nangahadlok kay basin daw ug mahutdan na ug bugas... Why oh why??? Grabe na ang pila sa mga tao arun lang makapalit ug mga baratuhong bugas?

But why are we always like this? Pag-abot sa pagkaun, daghan tang reklamo?? We cant even say THANK YOU, even for the small blessings nga gihatag sa ginoo kanatu...

I always go out and visit sa mga squatters area... Kini bang mga lugar sa sama naku nga galisud sab ang kinabuhi... Kana bang mukita lang ug 100 pesos kada adlaw... And what i usually saw, mao ang walay kapakialam sa mga tawo sa mga butang nga dapat untang ampingan... As you try to look at them, they can't even clean sa ilahang balay... Some of them dont even know how to value every single or even the smallest thing nga naa sulod sa ilahang balay...

Sometimes, they dont even bother to buy food para sa ilahang pamilya... All they care about mao ang pagpalit ug sigarilyo, beer (tuba) or ang pagsugal lang...

Nganung di man pwede pugngan nga mugasto ug mga butang nga dili na kaayo kinahanglan? Dala na ba kini sa sobrang ka materialistic sa mga tawo? Or dala lang sa sobrang kadangan jud natu? Haaayyy maglabad akong ulo....

Pwede man siguro nga kung gamay lang ang atuang kita, gasto lang sa mga importanteng butang ug magtigum?

Saving even 10 pesos a day makatabang na kini arun dunay makuot kung dunay mga emergency...

I think dili na kinahanglan nga magsige na lang ta ug salig sa gobyerno... This is the best time nga mutabang na pud ta para mupalambo pa ang atuang panginabuhi...

Past is past...

I was at the National Bookstore kagabie sa GMALL, while i was browsing some books, i came across this book from Rev. Robert Schuller of the Crystal Cathedral... Nice ang iyahang message coz it gives out tips kung unsay buhaton aron masulbad ang mga kaligutgot sa atuang kinabuhi ug unsaon natu pagdala sa mga kasakit nga atuang nasinati...

Tsk tsk, just too bad wasnt able to finish it kay siyempre kapoy pud magtindog sa NB ug pila ka oras... Don't have the money pud para paliton ang maong libro...

Ingun pa sa libro ni Rev. Schuller, nga di daw natu angay nga i-curse ang atuang mga kasakit or whatever problems that we encounter nga we thought "mga problemang way kasulbaran"... There are many ways to curse our hurt but when we keep on cursing our hurt, we become bitter... Hurts can make us become bitter or BETTER - so don't curse your HURT, according to Schuller...

Second, Don't rehearse and nurse your hurts... And here's a little story for that...

"A lady came over and asked to see me. Her husband had died two years before and she had been crying inside for two long, painful years. As she talked, she related everything that had happened up to the time of her husband's death-everything!... She knew every detail...

Finally she opened her purse and took out a sheet of paper and read to me the words of her doctor as he had explained to her the cause of her husband's death.... I cried with her! We had prayed, and then I said, "I want you to do something... I want you to tear up that piece of paper and throw it away... It's time you stopped rehearsing and nursing your hurt!"

Weeks later when I saw her again, she smiled and whispered, "Thanks, I feel better already."

Most of the time, ingun ani ang atuang ma-obserbahan sa mga tawo... Kung unsa tong most memorable nga we knew nga maoy makaparemember natu sa hurt, mao pud toy atong taguan pag-ayo.. Unya, balik balikun ug tan-aw dayun hilak... I think its time for us to leave it that way...

Mao nga on my part, kung unsa tong mga remembrance nga maoy makahatag kanaku ug kasakit kay tungod makahuna huna ko sa akuang mga kaagi, i tried to throw it away or kept it somewhere nga di na naku mahinumduman... This way, makamove-on ko and live my life... Coz i know i have a life to live, a beautiful life indeed...

So i thank the Lord, I know that the past is past! And i thank the Lord for the newness of today!

LIVING ALONE...

Tinuod jud ingun nila noh nga "THE GREATEST THING IN LIFE IS TO LOVE AND BE LOVED IN RETURN..." But it truly Hurts kung you've given all your love pero no reaction from that person... I know and i have been astonished that men could die martyrs for their religion... I have shuddered at it... I shudder no more! I could be martyr for my religion... LOVE is my Religion and I could die for that... I could die for you...

I have tried to run away from you... Hoping na hahabulin at kung mawala man ay hanapin mo pa rin ako... PEro i was totally wrong... Coz up until now, there's no YOU!

I am thinking on what to do next... Or should i just wait for you to come? I don't know what to do now living a life without YOU...

Want a complicated Life? Kaya ba nimu?

Grabe jud ang kinabuhi sa tawo noh? Sometimes, muabot sa punto nga "ayy, tama na.. di na naku kaya! surrender na ko!"... But because of the stories nga atuang madunggan and some advices from other people, atu na lang nga ma-realize nga "bitaw noh? daghan pang butang nga angay nakung buhaton ug akua dapat nga maagian dire sa kalibutan"..

There are certain points in our life nga murag end of the world na jud... Sa akuang part, kadaghan na jud na nakung naagian but then when i look back to it, hala wala lang jud damha nga nalampasan diay naku to... Usa ang reason atu, because i know how to face the challenges nga muabot sa akuang life... I know im not a strong person, pero GOD gave me strength aron malagpasan ang usa ka unos nga muagi sa akuang life... Nah, dili ko relihiyoso nga tawo... For around 5 years na kong way simba-simba sa amuang church (United Church of Christ in the Philippines) but then mutuo gihapon ko ug ginoo, nga siya mao ang creator of heaven and earth... Ingun ani man galing ko but then wa jud nawala ang faith naku sa IYaha (god)... Dapat lang pud nga part gihapon si Lord sa akuang life for me to keep going, for me to move on and have the courage to face whatever challenges nga muabot sa akuang life...

This has always been the problem with people nga kulang ang pagtuo sa ginoo... They would resort into ending their life because of their sufferings nga abi nila wala nay kasulbaran... They're totally WRONG... Take it from me... We all need GOD in our life for us to be strong...

Usahay, akong angkunon nga reklamador pud ko but never did i asked GOd kung nganong ingun ani ang nahitabo sa akuang life... Because i know nga all of these are challenges for me to solve... And it's just up to me kung unsaon naku pagsulbad ani... Naa ra sa akua kung unsaon naku pagdala sa akuang life into something "fruitful" and "meaningful". I know nga kung whatever actions man ang akung buhaton, ako lang gihapon ang maapektuhan... So i'd better do actions nga makaayo sa akuang life...

Complicated na jud ang life sa mga tawo... There are a lot of complications... Pero why man jud nga dungagan pa natu ug kumplikasyon ang daan nang kumplikadong kinabuhi? Is it because we wanted to be challenged pa? Is it because fulfilling kaayo kung malampasan nimu ang usa ka complication sa kinabuhi?

Like what ive said, kung mahimong simple lang ang akuang kinabuhi then i would rather have it than having complications that would end up into Nothing...

SET ME FREE!!

I still can't think of anything until now, to erase and forget everything.

I duwanna go back into a relationship that'll just give me heartaches and more.

I've been working too hard just to forget everything, but i still can't.. What will i do?

Damn with this feeling! Damn with this LOVE..

I wanna move on! I wanna set myself FREE!!

LIVE LIFE...

Even if you do things the right way..some would still be unsatisfied..

some will not appreciate what you say & what you do,

And there would always be people who would let you down too..

But for as long as you speak honestly from the heart, youll be fine..

This is not a perfect world.. This is not a perfect life..

Life is almost always UNFAIR..

but LIFE loves the person who dares to live it..