Recovering...

It brings much more pain if one realizes the true worth of a being's existence after the reason ceases to exist for her. So much pain yet so little comfort. Neither have I foreseen nor anticipated so much sorrow that if I were aware, then I could have resisted and prevented this treacherous heart to go on beating.

I would often wonder on the wisdom of one who speaks of having loved and lost than not to have loved at all. How can a fleeting moment of bliss and happiness make up for the heartaches of not one nor two but a few weeks that seemed countless of years? All those memories of places and times, hounding not only my waking hours but intrude the innermost thoughts of my dreams. The pain of losing someone is in itself so much unbearable and then to seek the peace of mind which they say comes with time seems as yet to elude my outstretched mind.

Why does she have to come all too often to me? Be it in total awareness or in total abandonment which comes with sleep. To reach out to her yet finding that she is never within my fingertips. To cherish her touch yet no tender caress is felt. To yearn for her being and yet only find emptiness. How can any sensible human endure such torture of the soul? The heart aches more with every beat and yet, it continues to beat for her. Must one still own one's heart then? Must one seek out peace through an eternal dreamless sleep? I have often contemplated on such but the fear of what has yet to come would creep into my mind and fill me with terror on what would go on beyond that state of endless sleep. And that terror has thus served as roadblock to a path towards damnation. What can I do to ease the burden of my heart? Yes, this heart. This heart which has often leap for joy at the thought of her, at the sight of her, at the scent of her and at the thought of her fingers. To hear again her laughter, to feel her again in my arms. This heart which enabled me to love this lady. There can be no doubt that there had been true love between us although regretting that we never defined what we've had at that moment in time.

As memories of our times together would gradually envelop my vision, I can at least say that I have been indeed blessed with so much. With that thought, I can glimpse a smile on my lips. And then the realizations that peace, though fleeting, has indeed arrived. It is then that my heart would leap once more at the thought that there is hope. That salvation from this wretched shell I find myself in will finally set me free. And only then could I trust myself to look back on those happier times with not a single feeling of regret but sheer joy that she has spent a part of her life with me. And the knowledge that she has loved me with her whole being during those moments would set my heart beating not with sadness but with gratitude and fulfillment. And I know that I will keep those memories forever. Oh indeed the wisdom of having "loved and lost than not to have loved at all"...For without memories to treasure, what is there in existing at all?

Healing a Broken Heart

We've made mistakes in our entire life coz nobody's perfect. But there's always a chance to make it right. If I fail in one relationship, that doesn't mean that I don't have a life anymore. Yeah, I failed a lot of times, and I'm cool to that coz I know I can't make everything perfect.

Even if I tried my very best to make you mine for the rest of my life, I know it can't be possible if you don't feel the same way.

It's ok if you can't Love me. It's ok if you'll not try to love me. It's ok if you love somebody else. I am just so happy that I have you even if you're just making pretentions.

Actually, I thought you were the one's who'd stay forever. But now, forever's come and gone. And I'm still here alone. Cause you were only playing. You were only playing with my heart. I was never waiting, I was never waiting for the tears to start. It was YOU who put the clouds around me. It was YOU who made the tears fall down. It was YOU who broke my heart into pieces.

I never should have trusted YOU. I thought that I'd be all YOU need. In your eyes I thought I saw my heaven. And now my heavens gone away and I'm out in the cold cause YOU had me believing. YOu had me believing in a lie. Guess I couldn't see it. Guess I couldn't see it till I saw Goodbye.

Oh, it actually made me smile when I remember the first time we've met. I was walking down the street one day. Then I saw you, I didn't know what to say. Your eyes were shining, your smile was so kind. Maybe I don't have the eyes like the sky. And I wasn't even sure if I am the guy of your dreams. All I know is that I have a pure heart and a heart that can show YOU what Love means.

One day, you came and talked to me. And you said, "we were meant to be". It made me happy, everything was so nice. But then I found out that everything was a lie. And that made me cry.

I'll try to be strong, believe me, I'm trying to move on. Now, my heart is NUMB and has no feeling. I am still healing my scar that runs so deep. It's been hard but I have to believe that I can make it.

A Sincere Letter

I'm sorry but nagkatawa ko while gabasa ko aning imuhang email. Timing man gud kaayo ang akuang gipaminaw nga kanta... As in! hehehe..

The song goes like this:

"Something happened along the way and yesterday was all we had,
Something happened along the way, what used to be happy is sad... Ohhhh After the love is gone..."

Hihihi, sorry.. Pa-smile-lon lang sa tika before ko mag-seneryoso... Hihihi... Smile sa beh... :)

Kidding aside (oh, sugod na ko sa serious mode ha?), I don't know unsa kasakit imung nabati karun, but I know sakit jud na siya.

I've been to a relationship where I thought was really my present and my future. And it tore me apart realizing that it has been falling into pieces because the other party fell-out-of-LOVE.

I'm not sure if you know who I'm referring to. *wink* hihihi.

It painstakingly took me 10++ months to get over the first person whom I love without pretentions. I tried so hard to accept the things that were happening that time. Me, Alone, and siya, found new partners. And to think, mag-sige ra mig kita because we lived in the same house. I had sleepless nights and my pillows were stained with sad tears (and uncontrollable mucus dripping from my nose. Yuck! hihi)

There were countless times that I thought I was OK, but after a while, I'll realize that I'm still madly in love with the person.

I thought seeing the person everyday with new partners will make me used to the situation, thereby, easier for me to let go. I WAS WRONG. That time was my lowest. I was so captivated by the past that I want things to go back the way they used to be. BUT I CAN'T.

So I prayed for freedom from this unhealthy thoughts and emotions and HE answered my prayer. It took a while, but HE did answer it. (^_^)

Why am I telling my story?

I just want you to know that every person goes through his lowest point in life. But we're given a choice everyday. To let go of the past and move on or to stay the way you are feeling today.

Of course, it's much easier said than done, but in one way or another, we just got to do it. We must face the music and dance through its rhythm. It will take time for us to learn a new step but eventually you will. The old steps will be forever imprinted in us but sooner (or later) you will be so preoccupied with the new ones that brings so much gladness in your once tired heart.

I hope you'll be over him soon.
I hope you'll be stronger to face the hurdles ahead.
I hope you'll let go.
and I hope you'll meet the right person worthy of your true love.

God bless you friend...

Be Positive

I was browsing the net when I got hooked to this site that gives positive insights about life. Ingun pa ko sa akuang self nga "uyy, bagay pud ni sa akua kay most of the time negative kaayo ang akuang mind". Gamay lang gani nga problema, that would even frustrates and sometimes makahuna-huna pa gani nga i-end ang akuang life.

That's why I'm so thankful that I came across this site.

For negative thinkers like me, it would be better if I could help improve myself and think of POSITIVE things instead of the NEGATIVE one's. So here's what I got:

FIRST:

Listening to music that not only has a soothing melody, but an uplifting message, can be great for developing positive self-talk. Have you ever had a song ‘stuck in your head’ for a few hours or days, the lyrics repeating themselves in your mind? If those lyrics were positive and inspirational, that would be a good thing. It’s a much better mental soundtrack to have than a running stream of complaints, criticisms or self-limiting thoughts, or even songs that had more depressing or sad lyrics. (When times get tough, I often think of Wilson Phillips’ classic, “Hold On”, but there are dozens of good ones out there.)

SECOND:

Books on strength, personal power, enlightenment, or self help can be good resources to help you change your outlook and the things you say to yourself. Rather than triggering habitual self-defeating thoughts, you can find yourself thinking of new can-do concepts when times get tough.

THIRD:

One of the most important ways you can get (and keep) positive energy in your life is with the company you keep. Do your friends uplift you, or bring you down? Are they critical, or complementary? Ideal friendships provide support when you’re down, fun when you’re up, wisdom when you’re lost, and positive regard. Good friends can inspire you to reach greater heights, and see your strengths even when you don’t always. Pay attention to how your friends make you feel, and if they’re less than supportive, start putting your energy and time toward people who are better suited to be your friend.

Hope this would help to all those negative thinkers out there!!

Daily Routine

Nakaagi na ba ka niini? Nga kung mag-inusara gani ka daghang mga ideas nga mugawas sa imuhang utok. Daghan kang mahuna-hunaan.

Mao ni ang always jud nga mahitabo sa akua, kay lagi^ loner man ko, hilig man naku ang mag-inusara, daghan jung mga kaagi nga mabalik sa akuang utok unya daghang pung mga pangandoy nga manggawas.

Usahay gani maalaan naku ang akuang kaugalingon nga buang kay mukalit lang man ko ug istorya. Duna puy panahon nga mukalit lang pud ko ug katawa. Duna sab mga adlaw nga mukalit lang pud ko ug hilak. Nah, ambot na lang.

Karun akua nang nasabtan nga makabuang jud diay ning Loner ra pud ta hehehe kay ingun ani man ang mahitabo. Mag-istorya sa kaugalingon unya kalit katawa unya hilak.

Pero ganahan baya pud ko nga mag-inusara becoz daghan kung mga mamahimong plano para sa akuang sarili. Mga plano nga usahay makita naku nga makatabang ug usahay sab makadaut. Pero siyempre, kinsa ba diay gusto nga tumanon ang mga planong maoy makadaut sa atuang kaugalingon, diba wala man?

Usahay, pag mingaw gani ang cellphone kay way magtext aww aku na lang pud ang magpindut-pindut unya mangita ug kinsa ang pwedeng istorbohon. Makalagot lang pud ning uban kay kung i-text gani naku kay nagpapansin ko, ang i-reply ra pud kay "Hello pud". Mao nga dili na lang pud ko ganahan nga mureply sa iyahang Hello lang...

Pag naa na gani ko sa sulod sa kwarto, kuli na jud kaayo ko nga mugawas ana. Naa ra ko sa sulod, gatan-aw ug TV ug kung manakit na gani ang akuang mga mata, sounds na pud. Alanganin man pud gud kung magdagan dagan ko sulod sa akuang kwarto nga haskang pis-uta man pud kaayo. Unya kung mapul-an ko ug hinigda, kuha dayun ko sa akuang mga labhunon unya dayung kusu^-kusu^. Ingun ani jud ang akuang daily routine.

Usahay musulod sa akuang utok nga mugawas unya mag malling. Pero kay kini laging akuang batasan nga kung wa koy laing paliton aw magpundo na lang ko sa balay. Anha na lang ko mulaag sa mall kung duna jud koy palitun. Pero kanang igu ra maglatagaw ug maglakaw lakaw sa mall, nah di jud naku na batasan. Mas maayo pang magpuyo...

Ingun ani jud siguro ning tapulan noh? hehehe muangkon man ko nga tapulan ko pero kay kini laging nag-inusara ra mao nga magkugi jud. Kinsa ba guy mutabang naku kundi ang akuang kaugalingon lang. Mao nga I keep myself busy na lang sa work. Ang work ra man pud naku ang nagahatag kanaku ug kalipay. And I think it is better to be this way than going out every night para magwaldas-waldas ug kwartang gipaningkamutan ug pangita.

Magtipid para sa kinabukasan

Bakit kaya ang tao hindi marunong makuntento? Aba, sapul na sapul sa akin toh!

These past few days, nakita ko ang aking sarili na walang pakundangan kung magwaldas ng pera. Well, hindi naman sa mayaman o marami akong pera, pero kapagka sweldo na hindi ko talaga mapipigilan ang aking sarili na gumastos.

Hindi naman ako dating ganito. In fact, nung nasa maynila ako, lahat ng pinagkakagastusan ko, nililista ko. Meron pa nga akong biniling malaking Notebook just for that. Malaki ang sweldo sa Call Center, pero dahil sa malaki rin ang babayaran ko sa renta ng bahay kailangan ko talagang magtipid, e tumira pa ako sa isang expensive na lugar, ang Makati. Kaya todo higpit talaga ako.

Pero ngayong balik probinsya na ako, di ko na mapigil ang sarili ko. Nakakalimutan ko na ang mga dapat gawin para makatipid. Akalain mo ha, pagpunta ko ng work, kasi maaga nga ako at 5am yung work ko, nagta-taxi talaga ako. Pag-uwi ko naman, di ko rin mapigilan ang sarili kong hindi magtaxi. Kaya sa transpo ko palang isang araw, isandaan na yun! Hahay!!

Pero nagtataka rin ako dahil hinding-hindi ako nauubusan ng pera. Kahit na pa-unti-unti yung pero pero at least may dumarating. Like for example ngayong araw, wala na akong perang pambili ng pagkain, kinahapunan meron na agad perang darating sa akin. Kaya malaking tulong talaga ang mga advertisers na nagpapagawa ng radio ad material.

Marami akong ka-kumpetensya pagdating sa paggawa ng mga radio ad material pero diskarte lang. Actually, super strict ako when it comes to accepting scripts. Kelangan, bayad muna at kung ano man yung rate ko kelangan yun ang bayaran nila. Kung di sila magbabayad ng ganun e di wala akong magawa kundi ipasa sa ibang DJ na siyang pwedeng gumawa ng kanilang material.

Lahat ng DJ's meron talagang rate para sa mga nagpapagawa ng commercial. Kaya para sa akin, dapat yun ang sundin nila. Kung di nila kaya e they have the prerogative naman to look for someone else na tingin nilang pwedeng makakagawa ng kanilang material.

Anyway, balik tayo sa pagiging waldas ko. Papaano ba to? Kailangan ko na talagang magtipid dahil marami akong binabayaran. Isang kwarto nga lang na inuupahan ko worth P2,500 na yun, hindi pa kasali ang tubig at ilaw. Nung isang araw, nagpakabet pa ako ng cable. hehehe... Sayang kasi ang TV na kung walang cable hindi talaga ako mag-eenjoy.

Sobrang magastos na ako... Kailangan ko na talagang magtipid...

Giyera sa Pikit

I thought it's all gone... It made me sad when I learned na may giyera na naman sa lugar kung saan ako namulat... Ang lugar na kung saan marami akong natutunan on how to stand and live independently...

Nakikita ko na naman ang mga hitsurang takot... Mga batang walang maayos na matutulugan at nakikipag-siksikan sa isang maliit na evacuation center...

Alam mo, kahit na ilang beses pang nagka-giyera sa Pikit, ang mga tao dun hindi nawawalan ng pag-asa... Dun mo makikita ang damayan... Ang pagtutulungan hindi nawawala... Ang mga kristiyano, nagkakaisa pati na rin ang mga muslim... Pero kahit na kalaban ng mga kristiyano ang muslim, always ready pa rin ang tulong ng mga ito sa mga muslim na evacuees...

Naalala ko pa dati, i was in elementary ng magka-giyera sa Pikit... Magulo... Sobra... Marami sa mga relatives ko ang apektado ng giyera because most of them nasa malalayong barangay pa nakatira kung saan apektado ng giyera ng mga rebeldeng MILF at ng mga sundalo...

Nung nagka-giyera, wala pa nanay ko, pumunta ng Iligan dahil merong Seminar sa Church namin... So, kami lang magkakapatid ang nandun sa Pikit... Pero with GOD's blessing and guidance, hindi nakaka-abot sa poblacion ang giyera... Nakikita pa namin dati ang mga helicopters na binobomba yung mga kalaban... Pag naririnig namin ang pagputok ng bomba, nagpapalakpakan pa kami... Sa isip kasi namin, wala nang mabubuhay pa sa ganung pambobomba...

Pagkatapos nung giyera, dumalaw pa si Tita Cory na siyang presidente pa noon... Sabi, hahanapan ng solusyon ang giyera...

Pero bakit kaya ganun noh? Kumpleto naman siguro ng training ang mga sundalo pero hindi pa rin nila matalo-talo ang mga rebelde... Ibig bang sabihin, mas magaling ang training ng mga rebelde kesa sa militar? Ibig bang sabihin, mas high tech ang mga kagamitan ng mga rebelde kesa sa sundalo? Paano na lang yung milyon-milyong budget na pambili ng mga baril? Paano na lang yung mga kagamitang binigay o ipina-utang ng iba't ibang bansa?

Bakit nga ba hindi matapos-tapos ang giyerang ito? Bakit nga ba laging may gulo? Ilang dekada na rin ang lumipas pero wala pa ring solusyon...

The past days, mayrong naisip na umanoy solution to the decades of fighting in Mindanao... They wanted to sign the MOA in Malaysia but due to some disagreements by the people affected, who were NOT consulted in any way, it was stopped by the Supreme Court... Good thing hindi natuloy... Siyempre most of us na lumaki sa North Cotabato we don't want to be a part of an Autonomous Government na pangungunahan pa ng mga dating lider ng rebeldeng grupo.

Nagkaroon na rin ng eleksyon noon kung saan boboto ang mga tao kung sasali ba sila sa Autonomous Region in Muslim Mindanao... Siyempre, most christians doesn't want to... Kaya they voted for NO... Kaya nga ang Pikit, bahagi pa rin ngayon ng North Cotabato... Kaso lang napapaligiran ito ng mga munisipyong bumuto ng YES para sa ARMM... So they wanted to include Pikit sa ARMM... Hahay, ayan na naman tayo...

Now that I've grown up, I realized how valuable my place is... That's where I learned to crawl, to walk and to talk... Dito man ako sa malayo at mas asensadong lugar nakatira ngayon, NEVER kung tatalikuran ang lugar na aking tinubuan...

After all these Years, It's time for us to stand up at isigaw ang kapayapaan sa kahit saan mang parte ng mundo...

Bee Hapeee with GOD...

They say I'm a happy person... Yeah I am... There's no room for sadness... Coz if i let sadness rule my heart and mind, Im sure gonna get crazee!!

With all the problems that I encounter, I am still here standing strong... What's my secret? Nothing... I guess I am just so lucky that I've met people that stays forever and the Loving GOD that guides and gives me strength all day...

So beeee hapeeee!!! And stay with Friends that will stick till the end... Choose the best one...!