Friday, August 10, 2007

I'd like to tell you a story...




It's a story that you might find strangely familiar. Don't be alarmed.

Once upon a time, there was a man who was very attracted to a particular woman. At first, she was just another attractive woman... but the more he got to know her, the more he began to feel attracted to her... and the more time he spent with her, the more that attraction grew into a deep emotional attachment and
affection for her.

But, there was one problem. As his emotional attachment grew stronger and stronger, he also grew more and more insecure.

Why?

Because he couldn't tell whether or not she felt the same way towards him. Sometimes, she would say things like, "You are
so important to me" and "I'm glad that you're in my life"... but nothing ever progressed past the "friendship" stage.

There was an occasional hug, an occasional kiss on the cheek from her... and once, she even held his hand for a long time while he talked about an emotional issue. But, something was wrong with the picture. She just wasn't acting like a woman that was "falling in love". She was acting like a friend. The insecurity that he felt became a spiral that amplified itself... and the more insecure he
became, the more afraid he grew of "screwing things up" by kissing her or asking her to be his girlfriend. Plus, the more insecure he became, the less time she seemed to want to spend with him.

After spending many days and nights obsessing over this girl, the man finally arrived at the conclusion that, if she only knew how HE FELT, she would feel the same way. So, he made a bold move. He TOLD HER how he felt. He confessed that he was in love and that he
would do anything to be with her. She looked at him with compassion in her eyes and said, "Thank you... I really mean that... but I don't want to mess up our friendship... you're too important to me...."

This only confused the man more.

He didn't know how to take it... Did it mean that she really loved him too, but that she was afraid of something? Did it mean that she wasn't ready for a long term relationship? Did it mean that she didn't love him, but that she was trying to give him a hint? Did it mean that he hadn't tried hard enough? Did it mean that he needed to put everything on the line and REALLY let her know how he felt? He finally decided that he couldn't go on like this anymore... he had to be with her. He had to make sure that she knew just how much
he wanted to be with her... so, he took a big step - He bought her a symbolic gift and wrote her a long, long letter... again confessing his
feelings. And then, the unthinkable happened.

She didn't reply. He called her three times a day for almost a
week before reaching her. She made an excuse about being very busy and said, "I'll try to give you a call soon, I have to go"... and hung up... but... he never got a call back. Over the following months the man tried desperately to understand what went wrong... and what happened.

Now, isnt it a sweet story? Heartwarming, huh? I know that a great majority of men experienced this.. It's NOT a myth and it's not Fiction either.. A story that is timeless. A story that resonates at a deep level because you can IDENTIFY with it.

And why does this particular story resonate for
most men?

Because we've all been there in one way or another... at one time or another... and many of us have been there OFTEN in our lives. Another thing that gives this particular story a lot of power is the powerful negative emotions that it stirs... as a result of the powerful negative experiences that it reminds us of... Stories and situations like this one really FASCINATE me.

They fascinate me because I see them as an opportunity to UNDERSTAND and SOLVE the puzzles that they represent. In this particular situation I think there is a solution. And it lies in understanding a secret that women know, but MEN DON'T. And that secret comes down to the reality that if a woman isn't ATTRACTED to a man, all of his attempts to confess his love, convince her to like
him, and court her BACKFIRE.

In other words, they not only DON'T WORK, they actually make things WORSE. The very things that a man does to try to make
a woman LIKE HIM, make her NOT like him.

They make her run. All those great intentions and emotional
dedication actually cause the man feeling them to do things that make her go away.

It sucks.

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